I Wish I Could Tell You. I Wish I Knew.

I wish I could tell you.

I'm a big fan of using the right words, and I find immense joy when something is described accurately. I even feel that I'm growing in the ability to use the right words to depict ideas and phenomena. However, sometimes language fails you. Whether it be the hodge-podge that is the English tongue or the philosophically-minded Greek language, the exact words you need to describe something just don't exist. And so I wish I could tell you about God, friend, but sometimes the realization of something is more adequate than the words used to depict that realization.

I wish I could tell you how precious He is - of more value than the wealth King's Solomon's mines and more valuable still than all that this kind of wealth could buy you. I wish I could tell you what it's like to want Him so bad that you'd sacrifice sleeping through the dark, early-morning hours so that you could get up, drink some coffee, and get after Jesus in the still of those early hours. I wish I could tell you of the wonders of His character that makes you continue to chase after Him when everything around you, even your own mind, is telling you that you're wrong for doing it. I wish I could tell you what it's like to have a mind so transformed by the power of Christ that you begin to see His glory in every blade of grass, for you know that every blade of grass contains billions of atoms that all orchestrate themselves perfectly to his sovereign command.

But friend, I also wish I knew.

For as much as I've been drawn near to this Jesus, I realize that words like "fraction" or "decimal" don't even begin to describe how little I've discovered about Him. I wish I knew Him well enough to desire His presence over trivialities like prosperity or being comfortable. I wish I knew His character in such a way that it pushed me to stop thinking that things as earthly as sex could satisfy what only the Divine could. I wish I knew Jesus well enough to make me talk about Him as if He was the only thing really worth talking about. I wish I knew Him more than I know my own family, so that even things like blood relation take a back seat to blood shed on a tree.

In the words of Propaganda, "How come you're not smart enough to know that you don't know what you don't know?" Because, friend, as much as I'm figuring out what I know, I'm also figuring out what I don't.

And so, I wish I could tell you. I wish I knew.

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